Well, you’re stuck in your cube. It’s a beautiful Friday afternoon and you still have 4 hours left. Your work is done, or you just don’t feel like doing it. What do you do? Here are some ideas and a disclaimer. I take no responsibilities for the percentages given below being accurate or for anything that happens to you as a result of trying these ideas. In other words, try these at your own risk!
1 – Start a rubber-band ball. I’m not sure what the world record for the largest one is, but it’s probably big enough to kill someone if it rolled onto them. If you want to take this a step further, have a contest with your co-workers to see who can make the largest in a set amount of time. Of course this is only fair if you each have enough rubber bands.
Chances of being fired: 3%
2 – Take a post-it note and write the words “You’re fired. Sincerely, (boss’s name)” on a post-it note. Deliver this note to the desk of a co-worker that is nearby when they aren’t paying attention. When they look at the note, watch their reaction for some laughs.
Chances of being fired: 0% if your co-worker likes the joke. 3% if they don’t.
3 – Replace all the water in the water cooler with Sierra Mist. This only works because the color of flat Sierra Mist is pretty much the same as water, and nobody will notice until they take a big swig. Any other clear drink is also ok, but anything alcoholic is exceptionally dangerous for a variety of reasons.
Chances of being fired: 50% if you are caught. This really depends on your co-workers’ senses of humor. No chance if it is April Fool’s Day.
4 – Organize a huge clothing swap with your co-workers when the boss goes out to lunch. Quickly change shirts with another co-worker, and make sure everyone else does this as well. When the boss returns, see if he or she notices. This only works if you (and your coworkers) are actually ok wearing someone else’s clothing for a short period of time.
Chances of being fired: 4%, if your boss finds out that you orchestrated the idea. Otherwise less than 1%.
5 – You have to get to work earlier than everyone else in your department for this one. In fact, get there at least 30 minutes early. Systematically remove all the coffee, all the coffee-makers, and all traces of coffee from everywhere in your office. Hide the goods somewhere absurd, like in the 8th floor landing of the stairwell. See how your co-workers and boss react to this crisis. There are many people who simply cannot function with coffee. Watch productivity slow to a crawl and a few people go home sick. Eh, they’ll probably just go to Starbucks.
Chances of being fired: 75% if you are caught. People are crazy for their coffee. Especially at work. Watch your back.
6 – Organize a company golf tournament. This sounds pretty tame, right? Well, the golf course isn’t outside at your local park. It’s in the office. It IS the office. Using your best rubber band balls (and a few putters you’ll sneak in under your shirt) create a short, 3 or 4 hole mini-golf course through the office. This works really well if you have a lot of office plants, stacks of papers on the floor, strangely-laid out cubes and power cords lying around for obstacles. Your co-workers who like golf will love you. You can even use a painting program on your office computer to design a few scorecards and make some flags for the holes.
Chances of being fired: 90% unless your boss likes golf.
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